I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Houston, we have a blender
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
