i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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