I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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