Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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