I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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