just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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