Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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