Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
