sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
