If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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