i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
