guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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