those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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