FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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