i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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