There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
