i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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