You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
