So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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