Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
