I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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