I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
