did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
