Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
