well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
