At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
