I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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