Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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