I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
