Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
