just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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