I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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