Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize