Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
