remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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