your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
