Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
