Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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