I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
