drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
