I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
