i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
