i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
