Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
