Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
