I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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