I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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