Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
