i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize