no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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