My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
