Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
