He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
