Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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