So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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