Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
