Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
