i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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