I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
