Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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