My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
